I have no idea where/how to start but, I want a baby.
I have thought a lot about whether or not I should blog about this, but I've come to the conclusion of why not? I also hope that someone at sometime will read my posts about my experiences and it will help them in whatever way they need to be helped. So here's my story..
I've ALWAYS wanted kids. In high school I would tell everyone that I wanted 10 kids and I meant it! I would still mean it if I had more child bearing years and could space them out but....
When Woody and I got married we consulted with our Heavenly Father and felt that we should be on birth control because it wasn't time for kids, and it definitely wasn't. So we went on birth control and enjoyed the married life ;)
I loved (and still love) the time where it was Woody and I. We had a lot to learn, and probably still do. We've grown a lot over the years and last summer, again with the Lord's help, we decided it was time to stop the birth control and have a BABY!
I was beyond excited. I love kids, always have... that's why I teach first grade and my dream job is to teach Preschool. I was so excited because for the past 3 years I'd thought about our kids, made lists of names for our kids, pictured our kids, yearned for our kids and so much more.
We were nervous, but felt ready. I remember one conversation we had where the excitement of just starting to try to have a baby was in the air. We asked each other "how long do you think it will take?"
"ONE MONTH!" I hoped... but we both agreed that three months was a logical time for it to take.
And then the waiting began.....
I've always had terrible, horrible, no good, very bad periods. They're miserable. I have cramps like there is no tomorrow! In high school I went on some medication to help ease the cramps and make my periods lighter. Birth control also kept me regular and helped the pain of the cramps.
Without birth control everything went haywire. My periods are now again, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad periods. And.. the winner.... I do not have a regular schedule.
I can have a 20 day month cycle, 30 day, 40 day and anything in between.
As you can imagine I have been "100% sure, no doubt about it" pregnant (not really though) a few times.
I have never loved roller coasters, and I dislike emotional roller coasters even less.
Woody has been a huge support throughout this experience and my love for him has grown. But I must admit, even more than Woody, I would not be sane without my loving Heavenly Father. Without him this trial would be beyond anything I could handle. Without Him carrying me I would have fallen a part.
I want to tell you (whoever 'you' are) more about my experience and how much my Father in Heaven has helped me through it.
SO MANY girls go through this. So many of us cry silently, with no support, because it's too close to our hearts to tell. I would like to say loud and clear, I want to have a baby, and thus far, I can't. But it's OK. I love my life and I hope that if any of you are struggling with this, I can help you love your life too.
So keep reading the posts to come and I will take you through one of my most personal experiences, one where I have seen God's hand in my life more than any other time. I hope that you will see Him in yours too.
I am a Mormon. And I am struggling to have a baby.