Wednesday, June 19, 2013

A Series of Unfortunate Events

First off, I totally forgot to mention this, BUT my baby sister went on a mission!! She is going to be the best missionary ever! It was kind of hard to say goodbye.  But I know she is doing the right thing and that she will bless the lives of others by bringing them the Gospel.

So to help cheer my parents up after letting their baby go (and because who can resist a vacation?) my sister Heather and I spent a week in Vegas.  Cheering up mom and dad was really hard work, but someone had to do it.  I mean we HAD to hang out all day in the pool.  Feel bad for us?

So, if you think like my sister does you're wondering... "WAIT!! Don't go! A week away from your hubby?? Aren't you trying to get pregnant? Isn't that sort of hard to do without a hubby?"

BUT don't worry you worriers I planned ahead... well I thought I had.  SO the week before my BBT dropped and I was experiencing minor other symptoms of ovulating (does that word freak you out? I used to not like saying it but now I'm used to it... so sorry if it's TMI for you).. back to my story... so I took a handy dandy ovulating test and got this bad boy


Incase you're wondering what the smiley means... it meant I ovulated (oh shoot, I said the word again). The next day I took another little test, and no smiley face... So needless to say I thought DONE AND DONE.  Vegas baby!!

Well.... while in Vegas I started having some SERIOUS signs of ovulating.  So much so that I thought there was no way I wasn't ovulating.... So... I went out and bought some more ovulating tests.

My niece wanted to hold the test, sure babe! Why not?
 She asked me what it was and I said it was a test for me take.  K said "Oh, will it tell you wether or not your happy?" (it has a smiley face on display) Yup.. exactly Kakes very observant.

Now it was TIME. TO. TAKE. THE. TEST.  Do I want to be right about observing my ovulating sings, which means I want a positive test? Or do I want to be wrong because I'm currently very far away from the hubby and getting pregnant is looking pretty slim... (I was wishing the latter)

OH! HEY SMILEY FACE!!... go away

And in case you were wondering... I got that stinking no-good lovely smiley face for 5 days in a row!! I still had the smiley face on Sunday when my sister and I were supposed to drive home, however her little girl had a terrible ear ache and so we stayed an extra day

On Monday when I got back I took another test..


Needless to say, I am most likely not pregnant.  But wait?! I got positive ovulation tests days a part the first time?? (you may be wondering) Oh, yes, yes I did.  And anything else about periods that are normal and supposed to happen that you think is always the same.. is not the same for me.

But I loved my time in Vegas!!  I got to hang out with my two little nieces who adore me (I'm very modest)  and I absolutely love!  If I can't be a mom right now, at least I am an aunt.  It's awesome

I got to visit a very sweet baby!! My cousin Jenn just had her.  She was adorable!!  Oak and I had to fight over who got to hold the baby.

I am so sad I don't have any pictures with my mom!! But I hung out with her all week, she's the best!

And I got to spend Father's Day with my Pappa.  He's the best father a girl could ask for.

So.. Ovulating (how many times did I say that word this post?) without a hubby was rather unfortunate, and a little discouraging.  I guess we will just have to wait until next month.

And although I had a serious step back in the baby progress, I loved my time with my family.  And quite honestly I don't regret it.

There is a wonderful talk from the Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ, President Monson, called Finding Joy in the Journey  I would like to share a little part with you:

"Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family.  One day each of us will run out of tomorrows"

Don't wait for that one thing to happen to be happy, And we all have that ONE THING (who can guess mine?) BE HAPPY NOW.  It is a choice, and can be a very difficult choice to make some days, but make it everyday! BE happy, enjoy life, and life will be good.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Taking the plunge

Life has been strange lately.  Time has not seemed to run at a normal speed and I am constantly getting my days mixed up.  I feel like its been forever since I posted, but really it has not even been that long.

  I finished teaching YIPPEE!!! I am always a little sad to say goodbye to my munchkins but I am grateful for the break and always excited to meet my new little ones the next year.

Speaking of school ending....

I have been telling people that woody and I will begin seeing a doctor for a while a little bit now.  In my head though I always thought "yeah, of course we will go see a doctor....just not until school is out".   Well guess what, School. Is. Out.   Oh shoot does that mean its time to make my appointment?

When I would tell people I was going to get an appointment they would always ask me the next time we talked, if I had made an appointment and I would have to sheepishly reply 'no'.  I am sure there were a few people who came away from said discussions a little perplexed.... If my next plan was to go see a doctor, why hadn't I even started looking them up?!

Logically I cannot explain this, but, I have been super anxious about calling a doctor.  I am 
the biggest worrier ever. It truly is silly. But every time I thought about going to a doctor, or looking them up, thinking about anything to do with the doctor I would get sick to my stomach and think... "uhm.. yeah no thanks, after school is out"

Even now I am unsure what I am most afraid of.  Perhaps it is because I HATE anything new. I don't even like driving somewhere I've never been. Maybe it's because I am nervous about going to see a doctor about something so personal, but I mean,  come on, I'm blogging about it so who cares if one more person wants to talk about it. But maybe it's because it's another step down a scary road.  A step that means admitting that something isn't working.  A step that means admitting that perhaps my body, that was designed to become a mother, has something not quite right.  No one likes imperfections. But can you imagine admitting to one as big as possibly being unable to have a baby?

To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. I had a good friend, who is also trying to have a baby, tell me a name of a doctor (right before school ended too, nice timing). So I had my name, school was out and I was running out of excuses.  Bummer.

Saturday woody and I were hanging out and he asked me if I was going to make the appointment. I gave him lots of excuses (I'm good at those!) but he turned them all down so I made the phone call and.. They didn't answer. So without any hesitation, I hung up! As much as I loved this, it unfortunately meant that I had to do the phone call again.

I went to call again yesterday. I honestly sat in my room, alone, door closed, for at least half an hour before finally calling.  As I knew it would be.... It was painless ;)

SO the next step has been taken. YAHOO I have my appointment for July (don't worry you'll hear about it) and now I just have to handle the anxiety of the impending appointment!

I found a wonderful conference talk by Elder Bruce Porter yesterday that really helped calm my soul after all of the doctor excitement.

"Brothers and sisters, we need not fear the future, nor falter in hope and good cheer, because God is with us. Among the first recorded words of counsel that Jesus gave to His newly called disciples in Galilee was the two-word admonition, “Fear not” (Luke 5:10). He repeated that counsel many times during His ministry. To His Saints in our day, the Savior has said, “Be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you” (D&C 68:6)."

That truly spoke to my heart. That no matter what I am going through my savior will go through it with me. I am grateful for that knowledge and most especially for the strength that it gives me. I know that with The Lord on my side I can endure all thins.