Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Taking the plunge

Life has been strange lately.  Time has not seemed to run at a normal speed and I am constantly getting my days mixed up.  I feel like its been forever since I posted, but really it has not even been that long.

  I finished teaching YIPPEE!!! I am always a little sad to say goodbye to my munchkins but I am grateful for the break and always excited to meet my new little ones the next year.

Speaking of school ending....

I have been telling people that woody and I will begin seeing a doctor for a while a little bit now.  In my head though I always thought "yeah, of course we will go see a doctor....just not until school is out".   Well guess what, School. Is. Out.   Oh shoot does that mean its time to make my appointment?

When I would tell people I was going to get an appointment they would always ask me the next time we talked, if I had made an appointment and I would have to sheepishly reply 'no'.  I am sure there were a few people who came away from said discussions a little perplexed.... If my next plan was to go see a doctor, why hadn't I even started looking them up?!

Logically I cannot explain this, but, I have been super anxious about calling a doctor.  I am 
the biggest worrier ever. It truly is silly. But every time I thought about going to a doctor, or looking them up, thinking about anything to do with the doctor I would get sick to my stomach and think... "uhm.. yeah no thanks, after school is out"

Even now I am unsure what I am most afraid of.  Perhaps it is because I HATE anything new. I don't even like driving somewhere I've never been. Maybe it's because I am nervous about going to see a doctor about something so personal, but I mean,  come on, I'm blogging about it so who cares if one more person wants to talk about it. But maybe it's because it's another step down a scary road.  A step that means admitting that something isn't working.  A step that means admitting that perhaps my body, that was designed to become a mother, has something not quite right.  No one likes imperfections. But can you imagine admitting to one as big as possibly being unable to have a baby?

To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. I had a good friend, who is also trying to have a baby, tell me a name of a doctor (right before school ended too, nice timing). So I had my name, school was out and I was running out of excuses.  Bummer.

Saturday woody and I were hanging out and he asked me if I was going to make the appointment. I gave him lots of excuses (I'm good at those!) but he turned them all down so I made the phone call and.. They didn't answer. So without any hesitation, I hung up! As much as I loved this, it unfortunately meant that I had to do the phone call again.

I went to call again yesterday. I honestly sat in my room, alone, door closed, for at least half an hour before finally calling.  As I knew it would be.... It was painless ;)

SO the next step has been taken. YAHOO I have my appointment for July (don't worry you'll hear about it) and now I just have to handle the anxiety of the impending appointment!

I found a wonderful conference talk by Elder Bruce Porter yesterday that really helped calm my soul after all of the doctor excitement.

"Brothers and sisters, we need not fear the future, nor falter in hope and good cheer, because God is with us. Among the first recorded words of counsel that Jesus gave to His newly called disciples in Galilee was the two-word admonition, “Fear not” (Luke 5:10). He repeated that counsel many times during His ministry. To His Saints in our day, the Savior has said, “Be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you” (D&C 68:6)."

That truly spoke to my heart. That no matter what I am going through my savior will go through it with me. I am grateful for that knowledge and most especially for the strength that it gives me. I know that with The Lord on my side I can endure all thins. 


  1. I love you woman! You have a way with words. You're in our thoughts and prayers.

  2. Amy you don't know me, and I'm not even exactly sure how I found your blog but I am so glad I did! Your words give me so much comfort and a more positive outlook on infertility. My husband and I have been trying for over a year and a half now (which in the big picture isn't that long but everyone's battles are difficult for them and this has been very trying on us). Everything is normal so there is no reason for our struggle with getting pregnant. The scriptures and different talks you post really lighten my spirit with our situation. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with everyone. It definitely isn't an easy thing to go through. One day we will have our turn to be parents and it will be wonderful! Good luck with your appt. and your journey! You seem like a great person and I'm sure you will be an amazing mother! :)