How to tell the family!

One of the very worst things about trying to get pregnant (for me, personally) are the late periods.

The most unfortunate part about this is that the signs for your period approaching are THE EXACT SAME as the signs that you are pregnant.  Well... as far as I've read they are :) Whose bright idea was this?!

Oh Google... how you've tutored me.  I'm pretty sure I've googled the following things more often than I care to admit: "signs of pregnancy"  "spotting in early pregnancy"  "cramps during early pregnancy"  "how early do pregnancy signs start coming" and so on and so forth.

Like all else... the information out there is a lot.  Pregnancy is such an individual matter that when you Google above phrases your answer basically comes out to be: "yes"  "no"  "sometimes"  "probably"  "every 3rd Tuesday in March"

It. Is. Awesome.

So Google + late periods + overactive brain = Ideas on how to tell the family!!

The first time that I remember truly believing I was pregnant was in October.  I was planning on wearing a shirt like this:

Then at Thanksgiving I was having another possibly pregnant experience.  Remember these pictures?

Well one of them was supposed to look like this:

Don't worry I would have taken more time on it and made it cuter... 

Also during our last family photographs:

I was planning on talking to our photographer and having Woody and I announce it right before she took a picture, so then we could get the reactions in a photo, cute yeah??

And lots more that I won't bother talking about...

Needless to say, I'm a slow learner.  But NOW I have learned that pregnancy tests are not to be even thought about until you are 2 months late.  The words "pregnancy test" have become swear words to me now.

This part has been hard.  Because as you're late and seeing "signs" you TRY really hard to not let yourself get excited.  Logically you can think, I'm probably not pregnant, I've had these signs before... but you're heart says, "I'M PREGNANT! I'M PREGNANT! AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!"  So you decide OK I'll take the pregnancy test.  You get anxious, and excited and then.... 

not pregnant.

But Don't worry you're little heart whispers to you.... you can have a false negative

So the time came last month.  My period was late.  My heart was excited. I was exhausted.  

I went to the Temple.  And I laid my heart out to my Father in Heaven.  I told him I had Faith, I knew whatever His answer was I would be strong, so I asked, "please lift this burden from me, Am I pregnant or not?"

I am sure you all can guess, the answer was No.  But it was the best, most rewarding, "no" I have ever received.  This truly was a tender mercy from my Father in Heaven.  I knew I was just late, at the same time I received this knowledge, I received a surge of love from my God.  He told me He loved me, He knew me, and was watching out for me.  

So for the first time throughout this experience I was able to wait for my period without the roller coaster.  It was the most peaceful late period I have had this entire time.  I thank my Heavenly Father for that tender mercy.

During scripture study this week I came across this beauty:

"I will not leave you comfortless I will come to you" John 14:18

Yes, of course this is a trial.  But, who doesn't have trials?? Yes, I hate it.  But, my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have not let me tackle it solo.  They have taken every step with me, and some steps (most) they have taken for me.  

I am grateful and appreciate all the kind words and uplifting thoughts that everyone has given to me.  I know that I do not take this journey alone.  So many girls walk it with me, and God the Father, and Jesus Christ walk it as well.  

To the (Not-Yet) Moms

So... Some days are harder than others.  I am guessing that for a lot of us who are currently trying to get pregnant Mother's Day is one of those days.

Sadly it is a day that now reminds you of what you wish to be, and yet have not been able to become. But someday, you WILL. In one way or another.

To help you love this day and use it to celebrate your mother(s) and your future motherhood I have some thoughts for you:

One thing that has definitely changed/strengthened is my faith.

I now have the faith that when God does not grant me my desire (being pregnant) right when I want it, it is because He knows best and I have faith that His plan is so much better than my own plan.  I have the faith that He is helping me become who I was meant to be.

As I mentioned before, I've had rough days during this trial, but I have also had some really good days. I know that my good days have all come through my faith in my Father in Heaven.  The scripture below is from the Book of Mormon.  As a Mormon we believe in the truth of the Bible, but we also believe in the Book of Mormon.  I love this book, and know without a doubt of it's truth.

"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." Mosiah, 24:15

Turn to the Lord this day and ask Him to make your burden light.  Then, turn towards others around you and lose yourself in doing things for them.

"When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" Mosiah 2:17

As you go about celebrating Mother's Day with your mother(s) and the mothers around you remember that:

We have all been blessed with bodies to bear children.  Sadly, some of our bodies do not work properly in making our future babies.  This is not your fault, it is not God being angry at you, or purposefully denying you.  I know that it is hard, and consuming.  I also know that God loves you and wants the best for you.  I know that wether you have your own children or adopted children that you will love them with all your heart and that they will fulfill your life .

Up Close and Personal: I want to be a mom

I have no idea where/how to start but, I want a baby.

I have thought a lot about whether or not I should blog about this, but I've come to the conclusion of why not?  I also hope that someone at sometime will read my posts about my experiences and it will help them in whatever way they need to be helped. So here's my story..

I've ALWAYS wanted kids.  In high school I would tell everyone that I wanted 10 kids and I meant it! I would still mean it if I had more child bearing years and could space them out but....

When Woody and I got married we consulted with our  Heavenly Father and felt that we should be on birth control because it wasn't time for kids, and it definitely wasn't. So we went on birth control and enjoyed the married life ;)

I loved (and still love) the time where it was Woody and I.  We had a lot to learn, and probably still do. We've grown a lot over the years and last summer, again with the Lord's help, we decided it was time to stop the birth control and have a BABY!

I was beyond excited.  I love kids, always have... that's why I teach first grade and my dream job is to teach Preschool.  I was so excited because for the past 3 years I'd thought about our kids, made lists of names for our kids, pictured our kids,  yearned for our kids and so much more.

We were nervous, but felt ready.  I remember one conversation we had where the excitement of just starting to try to have a baby was in the air.  We asked each other "how long do you think it will take?"
"ONE MONTH!" I hoped... but we both agreed that three months was a logical time for it to take.

And then the waiting began.....


I've always had terrible, horrible, no good, very bad periods.  They're miserable.  I have cramps like there is no tomorrow! In high school I went on some medication to help ease the cramps and make my periods lighter.  Birth control also kept me regular and helped the pain of the cramps.

Without birth control everything went haywire.  My periods are now again, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad periods.  And.. the winner.... I do not have a regular schedule.

I can have a 20 day month cycle, 30 day,  40 day and anything in between.

As you can imagine I have been "100% sure, no doubt about it" pregnant (not really though) a few times.

It's....... exhausting.

I have never loved roller coasters, and I dislike emotional roller coasters even less.

Woody has been a huge support throughout this experience and my love for him has grown.  But I must admit, even more than Woody, I would not be sane without my loving Heavenly Father.  Without him this trial would be beyond anything I could handle.  Without Him carrying me I would have fallen a part.

I want to tell you (whoever 'you' are) more about my experience and how much my Father in Heaven has helped me through it.

SO MANY girls go through this.  So many of us cry silently, with no support, because it's too close to our hearts to tell.  I would like to say loud and clear, I want to have a baby, and thus far, I can't.  But it's OK. I love my life and I hope that if any of you are struggling with this, I can help you love your life too.

So keep reading the posts to come and I will take you through one of my most personal experiences, one where I have seen God's hand in my life more than any other time.  I hope that you will see Him in yours too.

I am a Mormon.  And I am struggling to have a baby.

DISNEYLAND

So... I'm alive!!! Yahoo  

2013 has been FABULOUS.  Lots of fun things happening.  Let's start with DISNEYLAND

Major props go to my sweet husband.  Who took me to Disneyland for 3 whole days!! Let's just say that if he had it his way he would do Disney in 1 day, and his cup would be overflowing.  Yeah, he loves me. 

(excuse the fact that my pictures are out of order and I did not have the patience needed to fix them.)

The first night in California we spent in Downtown Disney.  Heidi and I were pretty anxious to get going and may have contemplated buying a ticket to get into the parks for the night!

Our first day was spent mostly  in California Adventure.  We loved the new CarsLand. Our favorite ride was definitely Radiator Springs.  The line was horrendous.  But going in the single riders line usually helped.  I think we rode that ride 4-5 times on our trip.  

Seeing 'Bugs Life'. 

Radiator Springs!

Friday morning we used our Early morning ticket.  The park was so empty it was BEAUTIFUL! 

 I loved having the time to spend with Heidi.  I can't believe it's almost time for her mission!

 On our second day we took a break from Disney and went out to lunch with my parents. We had lunch by the beach and Woody was very grateful to get out of Disneyland.

We loved Splash Mountain!! I think that I got the wettest on the ride, which was unfortunate  really fun.

Fast passes onto Radiator Springs!!

I couldn't have asked for a more patient husband on this trip.  He said we could do anything I wanted atleast once. I was in heaven.  He even let us go on all the little kid rides in FantasyLand. 

Matching on our last day in Disney!! We ended up leaving around 8:00.  Heidi and I were prepared for an all nighter.  But my parents were exhausted and Woody had his fill of Disney so we ended early when we could end on a good note.

Christmas Fun

Today B (he's featured in every post) said to me: "Mrs. Palmer you look sick."

Also as I was preparing some Grinch Punch for my kids I told them that if they weren't in their seat working when it was their turn to get the drink I would skip them.

B came up to multiple times to chit chat (he has lots of stories). I kept reminding him that if it was his turn to get the drink and he was up here talking or walking around then he wouldn't get it.

After perhaps my 4th time B replied, "I know! I heard you the first time."

My bad.. you weren't acting like it!

Onto other news:

Woody and I had a fun-filled weekend last weekend.  His sister Kortni came up with her family and we got to have some pre-Christmas fun.

We took some Family Pics:

If you know me and Woody you know a smile like this from him is RARE!

I know you already saw these on FB I would edit some others from you but I just edited photos for a friend and I'm photoshopped out for the night

We went up to City Creek.  It had an AMAZING Disney Store. I think that I enjoyed it just asmuch   more than the kids. :) It also has The Steak Company which is where my love for Chicken Teriyaki sandwiches came from. YUM

Then we went to see the lights at Temple Square.  I wore a little kid's beanie to help keep me warm. Yes, I have a very small head. 

Woody and I were able to meet our new favorite author.  He wrote these: 

Incase you can't read the very LARGE text.. Brandon Sanderson.  Woody saw him first and said, "hey that's Brandon Sanderson!"

 Then while I am searching the crowd Woody watches him leave... we walk for like two seconds and Woody is weighed down with a great sense of remorse "Oh man, I should have shaken his hand." 

So we leave his family and go on the search!! After walking a little bit   After a long and freezing search we locate him! Woody and I walk past him like twice  a few hundred times with Woody saying "No, I shouldn't bother him... He's with his family... He's with his kid"

So Brave Amy walks up to him and says very eloquently... "Hey, are you Brandon Sanderson".

We tell him that we love his books, shake his hands and I am now OFFICIALLY....WOODY'S HERO.

After that exciting moment we went to the Jazz Game. 

It was a last minute decision. We were actually on our way home when Woody said, "Hey the Jazz game is starting".  So Woody and I, Cody, Justin and his son Max, head over.

We got the very last possible row in the upperbowl.

Luckily though... Cody scouted an empty row for us and our seats drastically improved in the second half

On Sunday we had a gingerbread making contest.  Woody and I won... HOLLLA

 Sunday night we went to his Grandpa and Grandma Woodruff's house.  Grandpa gave all of his grandchildren a gun.  It was quite the event, a few tears were shed and happy faces were seen as the guys were being passed out.

Ok... back to the thing I talk about most.. my kids...

This is them doing a Mario dance that I found on Pinterest.  It's adorable.  I love watching them dance.  Basically I just stand and giggle as I watch them.

We made some Santas that were stuck in a chimney. The craft was pretty cute.. They had a chimney and then some legs sticking out :) But here are some funny stories 

"Santa is stuck because Santa ate so much cookies and hot chocolate. So him stuck in the chimney.  Santa likes cookies and hot chocolate.  Rudolph came  to Santa. Rudolph pulled Santa's legs and got him out.

"He was delivering presents like usually.  And he was going down the chimney.  How did he get out you say? He broke the chimney and got off the top of the house. But he hit his head on the top.

"The chimney was stuffed with snow.  The snow fell out.  He popped out.  He got a bump on his head. He wanted to go to bed."

"Santa is stuck. No one can get him out. It was not funny. That was sad. He was too big so he could not get out. Don't laugh its not really really really not funny so don't laugh. It's santa won't you do laughing if you were stuck in that."

"Santa said stop to the Reindeer and when they stopped Santa whent and flew! And got stuck. the workers had to go on the roof to get santa out of the chimney.